“I’m not a doctor, a therapist, a philosopher, a priest or an expert on anything. I’m just a human being who has thought a lot about how to be alive in this world.”- Cathy Rentzenbrink (A Manual For Heartache)
My reluctance to starting this blog initially stemmed from fear that people wouldn’t be interested in anything I had to say but then I was happy just knowing it was therapeutic for me. Even though I was satisfied with the thought that the only one who benefitted from my blogs was me, it now warms my heart when someone reaches out to me after I publish a post. Sometimes it’s just to say they understand and sometimes they actually want to talk to me about what they’re going through. I’m always open to being an ear if you need it. 🙂
Today I’m sharing my journey in protecting my peace. Life won’t always go the way you want it. They’re things that happen that might be 100% out of your control and then there are those things that we can control that we either don’t or just don’t know how to. Being someone who suffers from depression, I’ve hit my “rock bottom” a few too many times and it’s taught me to be more protective and mindful of the things I engage with. It’s all about recognising the things you can control and making sure they’re all in accordance with you. It’s going to take you being totally honest with yourself and willing to put in the work to change. You can’t blame it on “that’s how I’ve always been” forever.
I have been the toxic person in someone’s life and it’s taken me admitting that to then recognising the toxic people in my life. It might be hard to admit to yourself that that friendship you’ve been holding onto for the past 5 years of your life might actually be extremely toxic for you and you should reevaluate it. Five years is a long time but is it worth your mental health? You’ve got two options- walk away or have that conversation and give that friend an opportunity to shape-up; or it might be accepting the fact that your sister is actually one of your triggers and it’s going to be you or her- I’ve been there. Up until this morning, I had not spoken to my sister in 5 months. This is not something I did lightly. My sister and I have had our moments over the years and she’s very good at making me feel like shit and the last time was the last time. I had just flown to Barbados for her and I tried my best to help her but I learned the hard way, you cannot help someone who doesn’t want to be helped *remember that*. So for my own health, I stepped away from that situation or we would probably both be in a downward spiral.
You KNOW when your peace is being disturbed so stop ignoring it. When you start controlling these things you will feel the difference. Be aware of the things that no longer serve you; things that make you feel low and make you become a person you don’t recognise or even like.
In the last 2-3 years (since I’ve left Barbados), I have reevaluated the person that I am and the people in my life that contribute to me. They say birds of a feather flock together and if that’s true, I’m a lot more mindful of the people I am surrounded by. My purpose and their purpose should be to call each other higher. I could continue to keep the company I had for the last 10 years but I had to ask myself the real benefit of them for me and me to them too. If I’m going to hold others to a high standard, I’m going to have to expect the same of myself.
This is something that I have to practice and I can’t say that I always practice what I preach. I stray from my path (as recent as Friday)- I’m human after all but the fact that I can recognise this is growth. We all have goals in life and one of mine is to be described as having a “heart of gold”. And though people might actually say that about me now, I don’t believe it just yet. I still carry some toxic traits that I’m working on.
So if you decide right now to revamp your life don’t let people fool you into thinking you’re petty- you’re not. You’re protective. It will require that you change and you might not take some of the people that are in your life right now on this journey with you.
In protecting your peace, you might have to:
- unfollow certain accounts on social media
- distance yourself from people who spend their time spewing negative comments about EVERYTHING and EVERYONE
- say “no”- don’t be swayed by FOMO
- cut off that one-sided friendship that benefits everyone but you
- block your ex
These aren’t the only things and these may not even apply to you but do whatever it takes for you to feel happy and content with where you are and where you’re going mentally and spiritually. Every day I am reminded of how short life is and I have become appreciative of where my life is headed. There are days I have doubts but to protect my peace I am trying to remain positive. I am truly grateful for the circle of people currently in my life. As of late, they might feel it’s a bit one-sided but I promise, once I get my head around my new life I’ll be better- DON’T LEAVE ME ❤ :* .
No links to the clothing today. Soz 😦