Living Single.

Here’s another blog post with pictures that have nothing to do with the subject at hand but at least they’re cute. ūüėČ

Guess what guys?! Still single! I’m going to say this loud for the people in the back- please desist from showing me sympathy when I say I’m single. I am TIRED of hearing “Don’t worry, you’ll find someone soon.” First off, I’m not looking and secondly, my relationship- or lack thereof- does not define me. I am still me with or without a partner.

But, while I’m here, saw that word I used? Partner. I’m a mother first and foremost. Over the years,¬†my experiences have brought me to the place that I am at today. At 27 I have a standard and I won’t apologise for it. I won’t let anyone guilt me into thinking my expectations are unrealistic. When I was younger I might have dated people without fully understanding what I needed to consider. As my daughter has gotten older I’ve realised she will build her own relationships with my partner. Knowing this, off the top of my head I can say I’m looking for an educator, protector, carer, someone who’s not afraid to be a disciplinarian, ¬†dependable, makes time for her and makes her feel included. Mini KP has a heart as big as mine and when something hurts me, I know it hurts her too and I refuse to be voluntarily responsible for any hurt she feels. When I don’t consider the person I’m introducing her to thoroughly that’s potentially what I’m doing- setting her up for hurt. So, we will no longer be short-changed. Sounds like too much? What I suggest you do is stand to the side and let somebody else through because¬†I will be unapologetically walking in my worth.¬†Thanks.

With all of that being said though, I have not put myself back on the market just yet (am I a car? lol). If I were looking for a fling and just someone to knock boots with; I’ve got options- but that’s not what I’m about. [Ladies] don’t take that to mean that I am knocking you if that’s where you’re at either- your life, your rules. I’ve just come from a relationship where I felt like I was giving 250% and receiving 10%- not really keen on finding out if another person wanna take me fi idiot. I will no longer be showing loyalty if it leads to me betraying myself. If I’m being honest (which I usually am) I’d also have to say I’m still at Stage 5 of my grieving- Anger. Most days it’s directed at myself (for so many reasons) and some days it’s directed at my ex. Of course I know continuing in this head space will prove unhealthy so I’m working on getting myself onto the next stage!

*DISCLAIMER* My ex is not a bad guy but he was a bad choice for me. Have you ever experienced that? A guy who potentially looks great on paper but if those core values don’t align it makes for a volatile relationship. (Trust me, I know)

I made sacrifices for my relationship and ignored the detrimental effect that it had on my life- the biggest one being spending time with my daughter. At the time, I thought it was necessary to build the foundation for where I saw my relationship going but now I regret it. Which is why I’ve decided I’m not dating currently because I need the next person to be worth me sacrificing any time I could be spending with her.

The only person worth sacrificing that time and paying a babysitter for is ME.

I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again. Personal mantra: First Love Yourself.

All of that time, money and energy I give in my relationships is going to be geared towards me. I recently read “The 5 love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts” by Gary Chapman and that gave me a better insight into the way I give and hope to receive love and that’s exactly how I plan to love myself. So if I think I’m doing a bomb ass job solo parenting; I am going to buy myself some flowers (sunflowers probably). If I need to book that babysitter so I can take a little time pampering myself; 10 white toes here I come. If I want to spend the day shopping and catching a movie with Kiara; consider it done. I already know I can give myself everything I need anyway so why would I even get caught with a man making empty promises? I’ll make sure my actions match my words.

OUTFIT DETAILS:

Sandals: ASOS

Co-ord Set: Primark

Earrings: Primark

Sunglasses: Boohoo (Sold Out)

Kiara’s dress and shoes are from Primark and her hair was done by me. ūüôā

x KP

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